32-Death panels, advanced directives, a dream, and a miracle

Part 7: The Ending of the End.

The previous decade of increasingly aspirating his food hammered the outcome into stone. No doctor, no procedure, nothing could have saved him the day the ambulance pulled into the ER. But maybe. Maybe if I had forced him to see a specialist years earlier when I initially became concerned. Maybe if I’d known they have shots for pneumonia. Maybe surgery or therapy could’ve saved his life. Maybe my father could’ve easily made his goal with my care and his genes.

There was no 'maybe.' We fell through the cracks of a profit-centered healthcare system and into the hands of a son, too willing to put his father's emotional well-being ahead of medical concerns. I long ago lost count of the times the medical staff said one thing and he refused. Each time, I negotiated with him until we agreed upon a set of events that would trigger a return for further treatment. We navigated many challenges with surprising success, considering the number of times we actually saw a doctor and my father agreed to fulfill the prescription to the letter. Like Republican treatment of the very concept of government, he sought to minimize his exposure to the medical system. I was complacent, even cooperative. My only concern was his comfort and happiness, in that order. One-hundred years was his song – a tune I wasn't sure I knew the words to, but I agreed to do what I could to sing along.

All the successes and failures in the beginning were ours, together. But in the end, each belonged to me, alone; because in the end, my father's success was trusting in his son's judgment and the professionals' performance. When anyone reaches my father's state, his frailty, his perspective of years, his inability to make effective choices, we should all hope to have a caregiver ready to step in and become our true advocate. Possibly my only regret was not adopting that role sooner, though it would not have changed the outcome.

In the end, my father died from a chronic accumulation of the acute complications of being old.