45-The Planet's First Peace-Treaty

How and why did marriage get started; where is it going?

Part 2: The Treaty and the Future

In the beginning, the tribe was the nuclear unit, lead by a mixture of charisma and consensus. Tribes are powerful social units that can overcome great challenges. The political power possessed by the individual was bestowed by the collective. Growing evidence suggests a tight-nit group of mature women made most of the leadership decisions. Why? Because the networked, female brain is better suited to deal with the complex dynamics of inter-tribal relationships and the subtle cycles of nature. Women kept the peace and found the food.

As human populations increased, inevitable conflict followed. War. More and more of the choices faced by the tribe were better suited for the male point of view. A fact of war: the most effective force is lead by a single voice. The detailed stories from the inner-circle were drowned-out by the war-chief's urgent words. And thus, the sole leader was born. To cement their place, men created the exclusivity of religious hierarchy to both account for their victories and defeats while simultaneously subjugating the previous leadership. As the greatest threat to man became his fellow man, the tribe transformed, both internally and externally.

I don't see the first marriage as anything romantic; it was more like a simple peace treaty. Imagine a group of male hunters from tribe A. They stumble upon a group of female gatherers from tribe B. A absconds with B. Later, warriors from B run into A and demand the return of their daughters. Countering, A proposes to B: instead, how about a few cows? B likes the bargain and transfers ownership of the women to A – the planet's first peace-treaty. To take this a step further, the first honeymoon was when the leaders of A and B faced the marauding horde: C. A and B joined forces and together defeated C. The peace-treaty became the defense-pact.

And so, tribes consolidated to form city-states. But the social structure of the tribe is devastating to a cohesive, well-ordered city. Their internal strength, fidelity, and unique heritage made them unruly and destructive. Governments shattered tribes into social groups such as families, guilds, classes, and faiths, leaving the state better able to control the masses while simultaneously leaving the individuals increasingly dependent on the state. Tribes no longer possessed resources. The powerful elite claimed the right of property. In order to have property, ownership must be understood. Ownership is defined by us, the landlords, and them, the serfs and usurpers. To fix the family as the fundamental unit of the city-state, ownership of women became that of the husband. Marriage transformed again, becoming a method of moving wealth among the hierarchy of men. And thus, the mighty, long-lived kleptocracy was born.

Today, we witness the death of the city-state, reborn as the global-state. Because marriage is an institution of the state, it disintegrates along side the state. As our social groups expand beyond the family, the neighborhood, and the religious community, we are creating multidimensional neo-tribes. Social media is forming a new definition of what it means to belong. The nuclear family reconfigures at the quantum level, creating new forms of matter beyond the atom. The only way marriage will survive is if it adapts. Though we can only speculate as to the benefits and costs of its future form, its core value will remain the legal rights afforded to its willing participants. Reproduction and wealth are no longer the cornerstones of marriage. The differences between individuals comprising the modern union rises far beyond sexual roles. The ancient, tribal characteristics of fidelity, refuge, history, culture, and common-ground are reemerging as the foundations of marriage. Sharing the burden of life is the new definition of family.