15-Understanding the zoo in your head

Example Two: A Broken Heart

When a relationship ends because continuing the combination has become unbearable, we might “know” it is best to walk away but is that how we feel or what we want when our heart is broken?

The primate comprehends the benefits as plain as day. So if we know what's best why do we feel so bad and do such stupid things? Because the thoughts of the primate are like reeds of grass, attempting to hold back the deluge of the mammal and reptile. The mammal's memories long for the familiar, comfortable confidant but cannot see beyond the horizon of a joyful reunion; long term implications are vague while short-term satisfaction is key. It thinks, “Just one more night together.” The reptile is simple and thinks nothing; instead, it writhes in the unfamiliar environment of absence and will do just about anything to fix the pit in its stomach.

The zoo is out of balance. The animal kingdom is at war. Like a three judge panel, when the species cooperate, things run smoothly; on the other hand, any descent tips the scales and struggle ensues. For the reptile, the ritual of being with that person must be reestablished. For the mammal, the smells, tastes, touches, sounds, and images of that person mean everything. But for the primate, only endless bickering, needless worry, non-negotiable idiosyncrasies, and the inevitable minutia of battle remains.

What we feel is emptiness. What we want is all that wonderful beauty back right now. We didn't know how much we needed the routine until it was gone. When we allow this sinkhole to spread, the sober thoughts of the primate erode into dust, rebuilt by the mammal and reptile into an irrational fortress of myopic action, supported by the primate's eventual submission to this primitive narrative. When the reptile and mammal align against the primate, what we think increasingly surrenders to what we feel and do.

The reactions of the reptile and the sticky emotion of the mammal sit below the new state of mind: the insight of the waking primate. Language is a lexicon of quantifiable thoughts contained within transmittable symbols of shared experience. Thoughts are not some magical voice only humans have but compartmentalized relationships between specific interactions concerning specific stimuli.

All animals think to a degree but one has the elegance of language to shape these thoughts into cognitive imagination – stories. Complex feelings such as empathy, revulsion, appreciation, and deviousness result from the primate’s insightful deductions. Reptiles are simpleminded dials of arousal while mammals just don’t like whom they don’t like. Only the primate brain has the capacity to ask why.

Understanding the basic perspectives and needs of each animal equips the higher brain with the ammunition to sway the lower brains. Without collaboration or at least capitulation, there is only conflict. But when the three brains cooperate, harmony calms the zoo in your head and eventually mends the broken heart.